Human Intimacy

This can be an uncomfortable topic for many people, however it's an issue that we all face. There are so many different beliefs in what is and is not proper for intimate relationships that it needs to be clarified according to biblical standards. This page is written with the view that the nature of sexual activity is mainly for reproductive purposes as well as the expression of love for another. This page will address all forms of human sexuality and will be catagorized in alphabetical order: Adultery, Beastiality, Birth Control, Celibacy, Cohabitation, Fornication, Homosexuality, Incest, Marriage, Masturbation, Monogamy, Polygamy, and Miscellaneous. Please be aware that it is not our opinions being stated on this page and we are not telling anyone what to do in their intimate lives, we are merely presenting what the bible says on such matters.

ADULTERY:
Scripture states that adultery is forbidden (Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18). In the Law Covenant given to the Israelites anyone committing adultery was to be put to death (Leviticus 20:10). And even before the Law Covenant was given, a man named Joseph inherently knew that adultery was a terrible sin (Genesis 39:7-9). Although Jesus was the end of this Law (Romans 10:4), adultery has remained a major sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Hebrews 13:4). People can inadvertently commit adultery when they divorce for reasons other than infidelity and remarry others (Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1-3). Clinging to daydreams of adulterous liaisons, even if you do not act on them, is also a form of adultery (Matthew 5:27-28). Therefore, phone sex and internet sex would fall under this scripture. The bible warns of the possible consequences from the other spouse (Proverbs 6:32-35). Even Kings and rulers were threatened with punishment from God for taking the wives of other men (Genesis 12:10-20, Genesis 20:1-7, Genesis 26:7-11, 2 Samuel 12:7-12 ). Adultery is a form of fornication (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9), and fornication is covetous sexual appetite (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Covetousness is greed, which is idolatry (Ephesians 5:5). The sins of adultery and idolatry are very closely related (Psalms 50:18, Jeremiah 3:9, Jeremiah 7:8-9, Ezekiel 23:36-37, Romans 2:22, Revelation 2:20-23). The marriage bed must be kept clean, for God will judge philanderers (Hebrews 13:4).
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BEASTIALITY:
Beastiality is the performance of a sexually gratifying activity with an animal. This is something completely against nature and is not allowed (Leviticus 18:23). According to the Law Covenant any person having sexual activity with an animal was to be put to death (Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 20:15-16). Although the Law Covenant was nullified by Christ's sacrifice (Romans 10:4), the concept of what is natural for sexual activity is still in effect. What we mean is, sex is mankind's method of reproduction. Since a human and an animal cannot successfully procreate another living being together, this would make such a union unnatural. The bible says sexual activity outside the natural purpose is abhorrent to God (Leviticus 18:23, Romans 1:25-27, Jude 7).

BIRTH CONTROL:
Yahweh commanded humans to fill the earth (Genesis 1:27-28, Genesis 9:1). Scripture shows the bearing of children is a blessing from God (Genesis 30:23, Exodus 1:21, Psalms 113:9,Psalms 128:3). So is this a decree that every one of us must bear children? No. This is because it is the responsibility of the human race as a whole to fill the earth, not necessarily the responsibility of each and every individual within the whole. This is supported in that the bible shows that choosing to remain single is not a sin (1 Corinthians 7:8, 26-27). Remaining single would mean not having children, because a single person bearing children would be committing fornication, a major sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). We can also look at the fact that humans have filled the earth even though many individual couples aren't procreating. We were told to fill the earth, and we've succeded in doing it. As long as humans are fulfilling this command there is no need to worry about whether or not we as individual couples are doing our procreative duty.
There is nothing in the bible that speaks against using birth control methods in general. The only command in the bible given for individual couples to procreate was in the case of Brother-In-Law Marriage (Deuteronomy 25:5-10) under the Law Covenant, which was nullified by Christ's death. Other than that there is simply no command for individual couples to bear or not bear children. Now, at this point we think it's important to emphasize that all birth control methods have some kind of failure rate. Some have a higher rate than others. The only thing that's 100% effective is abstinance from sexual intercourse. It is recommended that you discuss these failure rates with your health care professional. That said, now it would be good to look at the various methods of birth control we use, for some really are indeed unscriptural due to their abortifacient properties (abortifacient = aborting or terminating a pregnancy).
For starters, any method which is designed to terminate a started pregnancy is unscriptural. This is because it is made clear that all life belongs to God (Psalms 24:1, Psalms 115:1, Ezekiel 18:4, 1 Corinthians 10:26), and God actually pays attention to the unborns (Exodus 21:22-23, Psalms 139:13-16). Terminating an unborn is in effect stealing something from God. Many like to believe that the embryos are not living, however, by the time a woman knows she's pregnant the embryo already has a heartbeat, a brain, a nervous system, is growing and maturing. Non-living things do not have these traits. The embryo is alive and belongs to God. To deliberately terminate a life that belongs to God is murder, a condemnable sin (Exodus 20:13, Isaiah 1:15, Ezekiel 16:38, Romans 1:29-32). Therefore, birth control methods that are designed to be abortive should be avoided if you want to keep a clean standing before God (Romans 13:8-10).
Which methods are potentially abortifacient? Birth Control Pills are designed to prevent an egg from being released for fertilization. Therefore they are not designed to be abortive. However, on rare occasions the pill can fail and allow an egg to be released, which can potentially be fertilized. The resultant embryo may not be able to implant due to the fact that the pill changes the uterus lining so that when an embryo forms it cannot implant so it dies. Similar things happen with using Depoprovera and Norplant. Although the original purposes of these hormonal methods are not abortifacient, the potential for an accidental abortion seems to exist, so please be careful. Another potentially abortifacient method is the Intra Uterine Device. With this, fertilization can also be possible but the device prevents implantation. Thus the embryo dies. The "Morning After Pill", used as emergency contraception, is designed to be abortifacient. This pill is designed to actively prevent a fertilized egg from implanting.
So, then, which are the better birth control methods? Male condoms, female condoms, caps, diaphragms, contraceptive sponges/creams/ jellies, the rhythm method and the withdrawal method are all non-abortifacient. If you are using some other form of birth control method other than what we have listed then we suggest you talk to your health care provider to learn how your method works so you can clear your conscience. Since God gives the gift of life and procreative ability, (Job 31:15) we are not so sure that permanent sterilization would be okay unless severe circumstances or health issues dictate one should not get pregnant at all costs. However, if after much prayer and consideration one decides to go ahead with sterilization (vasectomy, tubal ligation, etc.), the sterilization would not be an abortive birth control measure. However, it is worth remembering that even sterilization does carry a small risk of accidental pregnancy.
What if a woman accidently gets pregnant anyway and doesn't want the baby? There is no requirement that a woman must keep a baby she gives birth to. There are plenty of childless couples that would love to raise a baby, especially those who are against surrogacy and sperm donation. It would be a true gift to give unwanted children to such couples. Here are some websites regarding adoption that some may find quite helpful:
http://www.adoption.org/
http://www.adopt.org/
http://www.adopting.org/
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/

CELIBACY:
Celibacy is the act of refraining from sexual activities. What does the bible say about such matters? For married couples, abstinence between them must only be done by mutual agreement, and only for brief periods of time so as to not tempt either mate into committing adultery (1 Corinthians 7:5). Marriage is not designed for long term celibacy for the two are expected to become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24, Deuteronomy 21:13, Ruth 4:13, 2 Samuel 12:24, Ephesians 5:31). Becoming "one flesh" means having sexual contact (1 Corinthians 6:16). A spouse is not entitled to withhold intimacy from the other spouse (1 Corinthians 7:1-5). Of course, if one spouse is severely ill or injured you wouldn't expect them to perform, as that would be showing a lack of love, and one is supposed to love and respect one's spouse (Ephesians 5:33). Celibacy for singles, however, is a must. This is because having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is fornication, which is a sin major enough to keep you out of the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6). Demanding singlehood (thus celibacy) from congregational leaders and clergy is an unscriptural restriction that causes unnecessary temptations (1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Timothy 3:2). However, there is nothing in the bible against someone choosing celibacy of there own free will (1 Corinthians 7:8).

COHABITATION/COMMON LAW MARRIAGE:
Cohabitation is sharing a home with a lover. This living arrangement is unscriptural because sex without marriage is fornication, a heinous sin that God destests (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6). In some places, "Common Law" marriage is permitted. Common Law marriage is when a couple never officially marries, they simply live together. After a certain amount of time the law will recognize them as married. The laws on this vary from place to place. What's wrong is that the couple are living together in an unmarried state to begin with, making it fornication until they are recognized as married. This cheapens all the honor that marriage gives, and the bible states that marriage is to be honorable among all (Hebrews 13:4). Thus, a dishonorable marriage such as a Common Law marriage would be sinful. Marrying in a round-about fashion like this is compounded when children are born during this unmarried period. The children would be considered illegitimate and may lose out on particular rights or inheritances because of this in some places. Even when children are not involved, the lovers still lose out on certain legal benefits and inheritances and rights due to remaining unmarried.

FORNICATION:
Fornication is sexual activity with someone you are not married to. According to scripture this is a sin terrible enough to keep us out of God's kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Galatians 5:19-21, Colossians 3:5-6) Adultery is a form of fornication (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9). Fornication is closely tied to idolatry, which is also a major sin (Acts 15:20,29, Acts 21:25, Galatians 5:5). Fornication is covetous sexual appetite (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) and covetousness is greed, which is idolatry (Ephesians 5:5), therefore the connection of fornication to idolatry. God will judge fornicators (Hebrews 13:4).The body is not made for fornication (1 Corinthians 6:13). Fornication is a sin against your own body (1 Corinthians 6:18). It is better to marry than to continue committing fornication (1 Corinthians 7:1-9).

HOMOSEXUALITY:
In the Law Covenant, homosexual behavior was worthy of a death sentence (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13). Even though the Law Covenant was abolished by Christ's sacrifice (Romans 10:4), homosexual behaviour remained condemned in scripture (1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:8-11). Homosexual behaviour is unnatural (Romans 1:26-27, Jude 7). For homosexual unions/marriage, refer to the topic on this page titled "Marriage".

INCEST:
This is the sexual activity or marriage between close blood relatives. According to scripture, it is a violation of what is natural for a man to be with his father's wife or for a man to be with his daughter-in-law (Leviticus 20:11-12,15). Now, the idea of a man not taking his father's wife covers both the natural mother and stepmother (Leviticus 18:7-8, Deuteronomy 22:30, Deuteronomy 27:20). Siblings are not allowed together either, whether full blooded or half siblings (Leviticus 18:9,11, Leviticus 20:17, Deuteronomy 27:22). Parents are not to be together with their grandchildren (Leviticus 18:10). You are not to be with your aunt or uncle (Leviticus 18:12-14, Leviticus 20:19-20). You are not to be with your siblings-in-law (Leviticus 18:16, Leviticus 20:21, Mark 6:18). You are not to take both a woman and her daughter or grandchild for it is loose conduct (Leviticus 18:17, Leviticus 20:14). A man is not to be with his mother-in-law (Deuteronomy 27:23). You are not to take a woman and her sister while both are still alive (Leviticus 18:18). Now, although these were part of the Law Covenant, which was nullified by Christ's death (Romans 10:4), these things were still considered as loose conduct and unclean (Leviticus 18:17,24-30, Leviticus 20:14) and that unnatural use of flesh is wrong (Jude 7). After Christ's death, we were told to avoid unclean, loose conduct if we want to inherit God's kingdom (Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Corinthians 5:1). Therefore, these things are still wrong even though the Law Covenant is no longer in effect. Now, as we've seen, the Law said not to take a sibling. But a lot of you will notice that Abraham was married to his half sister, Sarai/Sarah (Genesis 20:12). Also, a lot of people notice that when Cain was banished he took a wife with him (Genesis 4:17). Since he didn't take Eve, he must have taken a sister, since Adam and Eve had both sons and daughters (Genesis 5:4). No time period is specified as to when the daughters were born and when Cain took a wife, but the evidence indicates that he did take his sister for wife. Many are confused by this apparent discrepency. However, taking a good look at the situation we see three things:
1) Cain and Abraham's situations happened long before the Law Covenant was given.
2) In the beginning it is apparent that God allowed these kinds of relationships, otherwise the earth couldn't be populated.
3) When the Law Covenant was given, there was enough population to go around that it was no longer necessary for a person to marry a close relative.
Other people have noticed that the bible doesn't mention anything forbidding the marrying of cousins. And this is true, it is not in the scriptures. In fact, instead, the scriptures indicate that cousins married each other frequently, and with God's blessing (Genesis 24:4,15,67, Genesis 28:1-3, Ruth 2:1,20, 3:12, 4:13). Not that we would recommend such a thing, but according to scripture marrying a cousin is not condemned.

MARRIAGE:
God made marriage to be between a man and a woman for two purposes: The first is because women were created to be the other half of a man, a matched pair, two halves of a whole that belong together (Genesis 2:18-24). The other purpose is for bringing forth children, and though this is obvious by nature, it is shown at Genesis 1:26-28, Genesis 4:1,17,25, Deuteronomy 7:13. It is not a sin to marry (1 Corinthians 7:36-38), which is supported in the fact that God officiated the very first marriage (Genesis 2:18-25). Marriage is meant to be a lifelong committment (Romans 7:2, 1 Corinthians 7:39 ), and separation is supposed to be with a view to reconciliation with one's spouse (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

Gay unions cannot naturally provide for the purposes that marriage is intended for. A gay couple is two of the same halves. If you have a jigsaw puzzle, but the puzzle has only the left half of the picture twice over, you will not have a complete picture. You will simply end up with two of the same halves of an incomplete picture. No matter how you try to put the two sames together, they will not fit properly to make a united whole. This is the same with gay unions. God did not make men to be with men, or women to be with women. Homosexual unions deliberately defy the decree for humans to procreate (Genesis 3:16, Genesis 9:1) and prevent the correct halves (men and women) from coming together as God intended. This makes homosexuality unnatural and a defiance against God's plans.
Some feel that it is within them to be attracted to the same gender and therefore it should be acceptable. We understand that perhaps this could be an "accident" of biology, due to imperfection, however this still doesn't make it acceptable to God. For example, it is also within certain people to be alcoholics, yet it is wrong for them to continue getting drunk. Or perhaps it is within certain men with an overabundance of testosterone to have sex with many women, yet that is also wrong. If we have an unnatural desire to do that which is against what God intends, we need to pray and strive to overcome these imperfections. Each of us has issues we are born with, and each person has a different issue to contend with. We realize this can be extremely difficult, and we're not saying it will always be easy to overcome, however we cannot just give in to these things either.

MASTURBATION:
Many people believe that masturbation is an acceptable way to relieve sexual tension without committing fornication or adultery. God designed sex to be a shared experience between a married couple (Proverbs 5:15-19). It is a connection between two people, which is shown in that the anatomy and the function is made for two. Therefore, if a spouse is practicing self gratification, he or she is selfishly keeping the pleasure to themselves. Selfishness is a form of greed or covetousness, and covetousness is equated with idolatry (Ephesians 5:3-5). Also, the bible tells us to avoid unnecessary sexual appetite (Colossians 3:5). And then the bible puts these two things together and tells us to avoid covetous sexual appetite (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). These connections to major sins are why masturbation is wrong.
As for single people, some people reason that self gratification keeps them from committing fornication. But does it really? In order for a single person to masturbate to orgasm they will think of a sexual situation, and since they are unmarried this means they'd be fantasizing fornication. Fornication is a major sin (Galatians 5:19-21). Therefore this would mean cultivating an unnecessary sexual appetite, and this is what the bible condemns (Ephesians 5:3-5, Colossians 3:5). We are to avoid wicked thoughts when we can (Proverbs 2:22, 1 Thessalonians 5:22), and imagining illicit sex does not allow for that. Now, we completely understand how strong the sex drive can be, especially for singles who have no other outlet for such feelings, and that makes things very difficult. However, you can help yourself quell the problem by removing sexually stimulating items from your life. This could include avoiding pornographic materials, motion pictures with sexual content, even dropping certain friends if they tend to put too much sexual influence on you. Of course this won't be an easy change, any major changes in one's life can be difficult. But continually pray, and be sure to surround yourself with friends that will be good for you.

POLYGAMY:
Polygamy is the state of being married to more than one person simultaneously. The word cell "poly" means "multiple" or "many". There are two forms of polygamy: Polyandry, which is when a woman has more than one husband (think of the similarities between the words polyandry and husbandry ) and Polygyny, which is when a man has more than one wife (think of the similarities between the words polygyny and other female "-gyn" words such as gynecology ). In the bible, the prevalent form of polygamy was polygyny.
The only times polygamy occurred in the bible was when men chose to take extra wives (Genesis 4:19, Genesis 29:18-29, 1 Samuel 1:2, 2 Chronicles 24:3), there is no indication that God advised or commanded men to accept this style of marriage. However, out of His great wisdom and love, He made sure to create laws to protect the additional wives and their children (Exodus 21:7-10, Leviticus 18:18, Deuteronomy 21:15-17). It is also well worth noting the documented problems that came up due to the wives being jealous of each other (Genesis 16:1-6, Exodus 29:30-30:15, 1 Samuel 1:1-8). Rival situations will emerge in polygyny because women were given cravings for their husbands (Genesis 3:16), thus it is unnatural for a woman to share a man. As for polyandry, this too is against all that God intended, because He made the man to be the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:23), and a woman can have only one headship. Otherwise there will be problems as to whom she should be obedient to if the men have differences in their headship. Therefore, multiple marriage is an institution that works against the scriptures. A man who truly loves his wife will not put her in that position, for a man is supposed to be good to his wife and treat her well (Ephesians 5:25,28-33, Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:7). A godly woman would likewise be monogamous, for she is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33), which would include not pitting him against the scriptures. The original plan from God only made room for monogamous marriages (Deuteronomy 17:17, 1 Corinthians 7:2, 1 Timothy 3:2,12, 1 Timothy 5:9, Titus 1:6).
Also, it will do us good to look into the scriptural concept of being "one flesh". According to the bible, when a man and woman marry, the man is to "stick to his wife" and become "one flesh" with her (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5-6, Mark 10:7-8, Ephesians 5:31). Becoming "one flesh" is sexual intimacy (1 Corinthians 6:16). Also, Yahweh made only one woman for Adam to be his other half, and the two of them together were considered as a complete set (Genesis 2:18-24). Since it takes only the two individuals together become "one flesh", this supports that each is a half of the whole and is complete together. This concept is reinforced in that it takes only one man and one woman to procreate. Extra mates are unnecessary. What does this mean then? That to become sexually intimate with someone causes you to be a complete unit with that person, as per the "one flesh" concept in 1 Corinthians 6:16. Thus, the "one flesh" bond you made with a spouse becomes broken when you become "one flesh" with the next spouse. More than two halves is too many, it doesn't work. You'd be constantly breaking and re-making the flesh bond among your spouses, whereas marriage is decreed to be a lifelong, unbroken bond (Genesis 2:24). Therefore, both forms of polygamy: polygyny and polyandry, are wrong and are forms of fornication/adultery.
So now the question is: If Yahweh does not approve of polygamy, then why did He allow men in the bible to freely practice it? This is because we are in the midst of a major issue: Who has the right to universal sovereignty? What does this have to do with polygamy? It has to do with letting mankind prove whether or not we can successfully live under own rules without God's interference. This is detailed elswhere on this site at the top of the page titled "Bible Topics". Now, because of this issue, He allows us to attempt our own rules so we can prove whether or not we can actually behave ourselves successfuly without His help. Part of this means He stays out of our main "business". Why? Because if God were to interfere with our business the issue wouldn't be proven that we could do it ourselves. By necessity He lets us go with our faulty wisdom in order to see whether or not we actually have what it takes. Thus if some cultures decide to practice polygamy, God allows it in order to show whether or not that piece of human "wisdom" is workable.

MISCELLANEOUS:
Anal Sex: This is the act of using the anus and rectum for sexual pleasure. Though there is no scripture saying this is wrong, it is obviously not the intended purpose of that part of our bodies. Putting it bluntly: There are various specialized bacteria in our intestines that function to aid in digestion. Sexual activity in this particular body cavity spreads these bacteria to the sexual organs, a place not designed for such bacteria, and as a result can cause serious infections. Other diseases can also be spread this way: AIDS, Hepatitis, Intestinal flu, and worm parasites, among other things. Also, this would spread fecal matter onto other body parts, and all of this is unclean (Romans 1:24, Ephesians 4:19, Colossians 3:5). Also, the flesh immediately inside the anus is very delicate and is not made for the entering penetration of fingers or a penis. This can cause tiny tears in the tissue, enabling the bacteria and other germs to enter the blood stream, causing yet more infection, thus more uncleanness. This is how it is so easy for HIV/AIDS to be transmitted. Also, we know it's fairly obvious that this part of the body is made to be an exit only, not an entrance. Lastly, it is not natural to have sex in this manner. If it were, then reproduction could easily occur with such an activity. The unnatural use of flesh is also condemned in the bible (Jude 7). Remember, just because it can be done doesn't mean that it should be done!
Multiple Partner/ Orgies: Some people believe that having threesomes or orgies are alright so long as all participants are willing. However, this would be against many scriptures: This would require having sex with at least one person you are not married to, thus it is committing fornication, a major sin (Galatians 5:19-2). If one of you is married, then adultery is also being committed, also a major sin (Matthew 5:27-28, 1 Corinthians 6:9-1). Even if the other spouse is agreeable, adultery is still adultery. It would also include some form of homosexual behavior, which is also a major sin (Romans 1:26-27).
Surrogacy/ Sperm Donation: According to scripture, in the Law Covenant a man was not to give his semen to another man's wife (Leviticus 18:20, Leviticus 19:20). We are no longer under the law covenant anymore due to Christ's sacrifice. There are no other scriptures that condemn surrogacy or sperm donation. Therefore, we cannot point to a scripture that states whether or not it is a sin at this time.